Kansas City Lyrics

Will:
  I got to Kansas City on a Frid'y
  By Saturdy I learnt a thing or two
  For up to then I didn't have an idy
  Of whut the modren world was comin' to!
  I counted twenty gas buggies goin' by theirsel's
  Almost ev'ry time I tuk a walk.
  'Nen I put my ear to a Bell Telephone and a strange womin
started in to talk!
Aunt Eller:
  Whut next!?
Will's friends:
  Yeah whut!?
Will:
  Whut next?
  Ev'rythin's up to date in Kansas City
  They've gone about as fur as they c'n go!
  They went and built a skyscraper seven stories high,
  About as high as a buildin' oughta grow.
  Ev'rythin's like a dream in Kansas City,
  It's better than a magic lantern show!
  Y' c'n turn the radiator on whenever you want some heat.
  With ev'ry kind o' comfort ev'ry house is all complete.
  You c'n walk to privies in the rain and never wet your feet!
  They've gone about as fur as they c'n go,
Everyone:
  Yes sir!
  They've gone about as fur as they c'n go!
Will:
  Ev'rythin's up to date in Kansas City
  They've gone about as fur as they c'n go!
  They got a big theayter they call a burleeque.
  Fer fifty cents you c'n see a dandy show.
One of the men
  Girls?!
Will:
  One of the gals was fat and pink and pretty,
  As round above as she was round below.
  I could swear that she was padded from her shoulder to her
heel,
  But later in the second act when she began to peel
  She proved that ev'rythin' she had was absolutely real!
  She went about as fur as she could go,
Everyone:
  Yes sir!
  She went about as fur as she could go!
(Will begins doing the two-step alone)

One of the men: Watcha doin'  Will?

Will: It's called the two step! It's all they're doin' nowadays. The
waltz is through. Catch on? Of course they don't do it alone, come on
Aunt Eller! (Will grabs Aunt Eller and they dance for a while)

Aunt Eller: (falling back into her place, exhausted) And that's about as
fur as I c'n go!

Everyone: Yes sir! And that's about as fur as she c'n go!

(Will begins to do ragtime alone)

Another man: Watcha doin' now, Will?

Will: It's called Ragtime, seen a couple fellers doin' it.

(All men and a few passing women stop to dance for a while.)

Everyone (While still dancing): And that's about as fur as we c'n go!