The Goat Song Lyrics

I am a simple goat 
I live on the back of a pick-up truck 
The Old Man tied me here with a 3-foot rope 
He's filled with anger, and filled with rage 
And tells me I smell like piss 
His drink, Jimmy Bean 
His chaser, a bear 
After that, various alcohols 
That's when the beatings get so severe 
Asleep I pray he falls 
But don't feel sorry for me 
Things weren't always this bad 
Why, when I was a young talking goat 
The Old Man was just like my dad 
I come from the hills of Europe 
That's where I met the Old Man 
He was lost in the woods, I gave him directions 
He gave me a tuna can 
Then he stopped in his tracks 
And he said, "Hey Goat! 
Would you like to live with me? 
I've got a house with a pick-up truck 
In a place across the sea" 
I said, "Sure, why not, I've got no family 
You seem like a nice guy" 
So we went off to America 
The home of the apple pie 
On the boat, the Old Man told me 
I would be a present for his wife 
"A talking goat!" he exclaimed, 
"She'd never seen this in her life" 
I felt so special! 
Well, I just couldn't believe it 
After all theses years I finally had a friend 
He trimmed my beard 
He scraped my hooves 
I prayed it would never end 
But when we got to his house 
There was no wife 
Only a short, short letter 
It said: "I'm leaving you for your brother 
Because he fucks me better" 
His eyes filled with tears of sadness 
His heart was filled with grief 
To soothe himself he drank a pint of Old Granddad 
And beat me like a side of beef 
I screamed, "Send me back to the hills of Europe!" 
He just shook his head and said, "Nope! 
No one will ever leave me again 
To make sure, put on this 3-foot fucking rope." 
Present day, I've been on the truck for 51 years 
My only friend is the AM radio 
Sometimes the neighborhood children stop by 
But it's always rocks and beer bottles they throw 
At first they're excited to see a talking goat 
They gather around to hear what I have to say 
But I guess sometimes my stories go on too long 
So they leave and giggle I need a bidet 
But you know there was a night that I did get off the truck 
When the Old Man was passed out drunk 
Three neighborhood kids took me to a rock 'n roll concert 
The kind of music, old-school funk 
It was the first time I got off the truck 
The music made me lose control 
The lead singer asked if we were having fun 
I said, "Fucking crank that rock 'n roll!" 
The women at the show were beautiful 
As they danced sexily on the soft grass 
One of them even petted my fur 
Fuck me in the goat-ass! 
Then some long-haired guys grabbed me by the horns 
And threw me in the mosh pit 
They passed me around and treated me nie 
Till I nervously sprayed them with shit 
Then the music stopped 
And everything was quite 
And all the rock 'n rollers started a fucking goat-riot 
Kill the goat! 
Kill the goat! 
Kill the goat! 
Kill the goat! 
They chased me under the bleachers 
They chased me onto the street 
They chased me into an alley 
And said I was a dead fucking goat meat 
But then I saw a sight 
That I never thought I'd see 
The Old Man swinging his hickory stick 
But he wasn't swinging at me 
"Fuck you, pot-smoking turkeys! 
Don't you press your luck!" 
The long hairs ran away screaming 
As I scrambled onto the truck 
When we got home, the Old Man said, 
"Goat, you broke the sacred law 
No! Please! Sorry! Shit! 
I'll let it go this time, but if you leave again 
I'll break your fucking jaw!" 
Super! Great! Okay! 
"Thank you Old Man, for saving my life 
Thank you again and again 
You could have let them barbecue me, 
But you acted like a friend" 
"I'm not your friend, I don't even like you 
I'm just not drunk," he said 
To prove his point, he drank a bottle of grain alcohol 
And beat the fucking shit out of my tailbone 
And I'll probably never walk straight again 
I guess you'd call me a scapegoat 
A punching bag for the Old Man to mock 
Just because his wife left him 
For his brother's abnormally large cock 
He could have been my buddy 
But instead he's a crazy old fuck 
And, once again, I go to sleep in my eternal home 
The back of the pick-up truck 
Goodnight, Old Man! 
Yeah, goodnight Goat!