Puttin' On The Ritz Lyrics

[Copyrighted 1928 and 1929]

[Original version:]
Have you seen the well-to-do up on Lenox Avenue
On that famous thoroughfare with their noses in the air
High hats and colored collars, white spats and fifteen dollars
Spending every dime for a wonderful time

If you're blue and you don't know where to go to
Why don't you go where Harlem sits
Puttin' on the ritz

Spangled gowns upon a bevy of high browns 
From down the levee, all misfits
Puttin' on the ritz

That's where each and every lulubelle goes
Ev'ry Thursday evening with her swell beaus
Rubbing elbows

Come with me and we'll attend their jubilee
And see them spend their last two bits
Puttin' on the ritz


[Revised 1946 version:]
Have you seen the well-to-do up and down Park Avenue 
On that famous thoroughfare with their noses in the air 
High hats and Arrow collars, white spats and lots of dollars 
Spending every dime for a wonderful time

If you're blue and you don't know where to go to 
Why don't you go where fashion sits
Puttin' on the ritz 

Diff'rent types who wear a day coat, pants with stripes 
And cutaway coat, perfect fits
Puttin' on the ritz 

Dressed up like a million dollar trouper
Trying hard to look like Gary Cooper 
Super duper
 
Come let's mix where Rockefellers walk with sticks 
Or "um-ber-ellas" in their mitts
Puttin' on the ritz


[alternates:]
Strolling up the avenue so happy
All dressed up just like an English chappie
Very snappy

You'll declare it's simply "top-thing" to be there 
And hear them swapping smart tidbits
Puttin' on the ritz


[Transcript of 1982 version by Dutch singer Taco (which Berlin
"reportedly enjoyed"):]
If you're blue and you don't know where to go to 
Why don't you go where fashion sits
Puttin' on the ritz 

Diff'rent types who wear a day coat, pants with stripes 
And cutaway coat, perfect fits
Puttin' on the ritz
 
Dressed up like a million dollar trouper
Tryin' hard to look like Gary Cooper 
super duper
 
Come let's mix where Rockefellers walk with sticks 
Or "um-ber-ellas" in their mitts
Puttin' on the ritz

Have you seen the well-to-do up and down Park Avenue 
On that famous thoroughfare with their noses in the air 
High hats and Arrow collars, white spats and lots of dollars 
Spending every dime for a wonderful time

If you're blue and you don't know where to go to 
Why don't you go where fashion sits
Puttin' on the ritz 

Diff'rent types who wear a day coat, pants with stripes 
And cutaway coat, perfect fits
Puttin' on the ritz 

Dressed up like a million dollar trouper
Tryin' hard to look like Gary Cooper 
Super duper
 
Come let's mix where Rockefellers walk with sticks 
Or "um-ber-ellas" in their mitts
Puttin' on the ritz

Dressed up like a million dollar trouper 
Tryin' hard to look like Gary Cooper 
Super duper 

If you're blue and you don't know where to go to 
Why don't you go where fashion sits
Puttin' on the ritz

Puttin' on the ritz
Puttin' on the ritz
Puttin' on the ritz

Move...

Gotta dance
Gotta dance...

If you're blue and you don't know where to go to 
Why don't you go where fashion sits
Puttin' on the ritz...


[Parody version:]
Have you seen the well-to-do having sex like me and you?
They're afraid of STDs and unwanted pregnancies 
The AIDS scare's reached it's apex
But who cares?  I want my safe sex 
You feel that way too?  Then the Ritz is the rubber for you

If you screw and you don't know who you do screw 
Why don't you use the brand that fits
Puttin' on the Ritz 

Girls, you'll see, will be receptive
They don't want the contraceptive pills and kits
If you're puttin' on the Ritz 

Other brands?  Well, friends, you can't compare theirs
When you can wear the brand that Fred Astaire wears
And the Care Bears
 
It's a glitzy, ritzy condom
Worn by even Stephen Sondh'm who admits
To puttin' on the Ritz

You won't need no diaphragm to trap her
Just slap your Mister Happy in that wrapper
And you'll look dapper

With your playmate you will get much more play
She'll help to put it on you during foreplay
At work or play

Keep a few right in your wallet
If you do then I can call it quits, that's it!
Puttin' on the ritz